is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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