I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
