please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
