I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
