You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
