i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
it was like eating out sand paper
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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