I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
