They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
