I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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