just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize