You just made me feel so damn special
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
