Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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