I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
