So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
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