Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
