There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Just fell off a train. Bad.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
