in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
