you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
