sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Houston, we have a squirter
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
