forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Randomize
