WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
