Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
