when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
