i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
