just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
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I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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