Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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