I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
