so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
