All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize