do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
