I feel like abortions should bother me more
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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