Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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