"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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