If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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