so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
My nipple is on Facebook.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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