I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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