At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
