I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
