'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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