good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
