it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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