i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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