i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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