I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
