Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
