i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
