Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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