6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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