It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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