Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
