people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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