We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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