I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
