I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
