I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Girls should come with a carfax report
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
