its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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