Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
