So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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