i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
