I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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