i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
