Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
P.S. I can't hear my feet
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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