ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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