my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
