That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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