i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Pants are for mortals
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
