thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
