I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
