Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
