OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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