im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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