Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
