Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
