oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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