is wine microwaveable?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
