Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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