i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
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I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
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Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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