idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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