So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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